doing nothing

Today my husband and I are all alone. (Well, until 5:00.) For the first time in what feels like a decade, but is more likely 18 months or so. Oldest is working down the street at the public pool all day. Youngest is on a camping trip with their scouting troop (a true revelation –…

self-care = health-care

Two big things that have changed inside me, since I started feeling better. 1) That emotional pain (and hyper-vigilance) that was ever-present, as a physical feeling behind my sternum, has vanished. I thought I would carry a piece of that forward with me forever. I felt forever marked by sadness and fear. 2) Before, I…

connectedness

Monday was a morning of delightful connectedness. Signed up for a new fitness class with two of my closest girlfriends, and we put our mid-40s bodies through a bunch of strange paces. Barre made me feel like a tellytubby trying to do ballet moves, but it was amazing! My body is sore in places that…

aspirations

One of the pieces of life I’m working on is figuring out what’s next for me, personally. I have figured out that, despite a veneer of confidence (and some genuine ego in some areas), I have low self-esteem. It was a revelation. And tied to an unpredictable and often volatile, if genuinely loving, childhood. I’ve…

swing for the fences

My darling friend George, soon after turning 50 (he’s 10 years older than me, and I’m now approaching that milestone in a couple years) once told me: swing for the fences now. Whatever it is, do it now. You will find yourself slowing down in ways you can’t even imagine. He was right, of course….

simple pleasure

I’ve been navel-gazing for a few weeks, taking a group therapy class. I wish that everyone had regular access to such a class. It was an amazing opportunity to get out of my “bubble” and interact in a meaningful, intimate way with folks from very different backgrounds. It affirmed my love of humanity, and my…

foundations and flexibility

I find myself amazed at how, after just 3 months or so, my little family has snapped back to (mostly) its former shape. The trauma and turmoil that overtook us toward the end of pandemic was overwhelming. I have gone through a lot of emotions, a lot of hard thinking, and–I believe–a lot of growing….

copa cabana

Once again this summer, we purchased a screened in arbor room for our back deck. The last one lasted a couple years … considering the relatively low cost (especially when compared to building an actual structure) is well worth it. The minute it’s up and furniture added, it becomes everyone’s favorite room of the house….

group therapy

I am taking part in a two-week mental health program, outpatient. I am grateful to have access to mental health care. There’s a huge wait list in many places and the costs can be staggering. I happen to have excellent health insurance this year. Most years, this would not even be a possibility. There are…

building strong non-binary kids

My kids are both back at home. For a while, the oldest was staying with my parents, because depression and suicide have complicated our lives this past half-year or more. It has been a painful, humbling, fraught parenting experience. We are surrounded by loving family and close friends, which really does help. I should clarify:…